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5X06 Post-Modern Prometheus

Writer: Chris Carter
Director: Chris Carter
Original Broadcast: AU: 11.03.1998 US: 30.11.1997
Episode Availability: DVD: AU CA UK US

Cast:
Special Agent Dana Scully · Gillian Anderson
Special Agent Fox Mulder · David Duchovny

Guest Cast:
Cher Impersonator · Tracey Bell
Old Man Pollidori · Lloyd Berry
Izzy Berkowitz · Stewart Gale
Booger · Chris Giacoletti
Reporter · Dana Grahame
Izzy's Friend · Jean-Yves Hammel
Huge Man · C Ernst Harth
JJ · Vitaliy Kravchenko
Dr Francis Pollidori · John O'Hurley
The Great Mutato · Chris Owens
Waitress · Xantha Radley
Elizabeth Pollidori · Miriam Smith
Jerry Springer · Jerry Springer
Shaineh Berkowitz · Pattie Tierce
A letter from a single mother brings Mulder and Scully to a small mid-Western town where they pick up the trail of a modern-day Frankenstein.
Shaineh Berkowitz: "You got to be kidding."
Izzy Berkowitz: "What?"
Shaineh Berkowitz: "Don't what me, Izzy. Or you ain't going to no comic book convention."
Izzy Berkowitz: "I'm 18... I can go anywhere I want."
Shaineh Berkowitz: "Yeah, but where you going to live when you get back?"
[Jerry Springer's guest is a woman whose son has hypertrichosis]
Jerry Springer: "Dandruff a problem?"
Dolores: No! I wash his hair twice a day... and brush a hundred strokes at night."
Scully: [reading] "And could swear I heard Cher singing. The one who was married to Sonny."
Scully: [reading] "I got your name off the TV. Some... lady on the Jerry Springer show who had a werewolf baby said you came to her house. Well I got her story beat by a mile, so maybe you'll want to come see me too. Sincerely, Shaineh Berkowitz."
Mulder: "Scully, do you think it's too soon to get my own 1-900 number?"
Scully: "And now you're pregnant again?"
Shaineh Berkowitz: "Uh huh. But, as I told Agent Mulder on the phone, that's what takes the cake."
Mulder: "Mrs Berkowitz had a tubal ligation two years ago."
Shaineh Berkowitz: "You can't plant a seed in a barren field."
Shaineh Berkowitz: "You know what this thing is, don't you Agent Mulder?"
Mulder: "Why do you say that?"
Shaineh Berkowitz: "Cause... You all quiet and stuff. And you know something you not saying... about alien abduction. They said on Jerry Springer you're like an expert."
Mulder: "I don't think this has anything to do with alien abductions. I don't even know if I believe in that stuff any more."
[Izzy Berkowitz is using a peanut butter sandwich to lure The Great Mutato out of the woods]
Scully: "Peanut butter sandwiches?"
Mulder: "You think baloney would be more effective?"
Mulder: "I'm alarmed that you would reduce these people to a cultural stereotype. Not everybody dreams to get on Jerry Springer."
Scully: "Is there anything that you don't believe in, Mulder?"
Scully: "Sir, unless you want your scientific achievements to end up as a footnote on the Jerry Springer Show, I suggest that you make the time."
Dr Pollidori: "Jerry Springer show?"
Mulder: "Good night, Doctor Frankenstein."
Dr Pollidori: "Elizabeth, you know how I feel about children. They're mewling little monsters."
Elizabeth Pollidori: "But I want children."
Dr Pollidori: "What happened to our dream. Of getting out of this place, getting away from this hick town."
Elizabeth Pollidori: "I think that's your dream."
Waitress: [to Mulder] "Is it true Jerry Springer's coming to town?"
Shaineh Berkowitz: "Hey! Hey, that's it! That's the song that was playing when I got knocked up!"
Scully: "Mulder, this is just a dopey hoax."
Scully: "Mulder, I'm alarmed that you would reduce this man to a literary stereotype. A mad scientist."
Dr Pollidori: "Are you accusing me of knowing something that I'm not telling you?"
Mulder: "I'm accusing... that your wife may have been impregnated." [Elizabeth Pollidori is overjoyed at the prospect of having a child]
Mulder: "The other victims they had their frying pans... violated. Do you know what this is?"
Dr Pollidori: "No. I don't."
[Mulder rummages through the household garbage and discovers an empty jar of peanut butter]
Mulder: "I think we found our smoking gun."
[Waitress pours coffee into Mulder's lap]
Mulder: "That's not a place you want to burn a guy."
Scully: "Mulder?"
Mulder: "You may have been right, Scully."
Scully: "What, that these people could be reduced to a cultural stereotype?"
[Flicking through family snapshots of Old Man Pollidori with The Great Mutato]
Mulder: "It's alive!"
Mulder: "This is all wrong, Scully. This is not how the story's supposed to end."
Scully: "What do you mean?"
Mulder: "Dr Frankenstein pays for his evil ambitions, yes. But the monster is supposed to escape, to go search for his bride."
Scully: "There's not going to be any bride, Mulder. Not in this story."
Mulder: "Where's the writer...? I want to speak to the writer."
[Shaineh Berkowitz and Elizabeth Pollidori are both are holding two-faced babies]
Jerry Springer: "Tell me something. Is it hard to love these babies?"
Shaineh Berkowitz: "What's not to love?"