by Red WolfThe paths through the park were easily accessible making the leafy arbor along its central avenue a popular spot for couples seeking a romantic twilight stroll that offered the illusion of privacy from the surrounding city. The gardeners had created a spectacular walk, with multi-level plantings of dense foliage that had garnered several awards, making the park a draw card for tourists and plant lovers of all kinds.
As the last of the daylight bled from the sky, the ambient mood lighting that drew young lovers was not enough to keep the shadows of the lush man-made jungle at bay.
Hidden in the undergrowth, a stone's throw from the famous avenue, were the remains of a man. A trip wire still caught about his ankle, the only clue to what brought him down. His expensive suit was ripped open, his killers not interested in the niceties of undoing buttons. An ultra thin gold watch had been flung aside with disinterest, in the next few days a curious magpie would add the item to its collection of shiny treasures.
The dead man's flesh had been treated with the same eager fumbling as his clothing. Skin had been raked back with whatever sharp implements were to hand — a broken bottle, pilfered razorwire, a small pocketknife — allowing his attackers to scoop out his still warm internals with their small hands.
A bloody child looked up from the meal she shared with her three small companions, her eyes reflecting the diffuse light. She sniffed the air, searching for the scent of stray dogs that could compete for her meal.
The hunting was good in the city, the careless businessman was a nice change from the usual homeless people and passed out Friday night drunks her kind usually fed on. No one noticed the small grubby children that played in the park during the day, and no one seemed to notice the occasional disappearance of one of the city's millions of inhabitants to feed them.
Published Babble Horde — 02.12.2003
Published deviantART — 06.02.2004
Published FictionPress — 18.02.2004
Published nFiction — 26.05.2004
Published Wrasp.Net — 01.01.2005
fiction | horror | original fiction | urban
I am looking for a book called Urban Jungle, It was published in Paris and the Man that did the photography came to New York, N.Y, To a place called Sacred Tatoo and took a photo of a couple with tatoos nude and there names are James and Terri Brennan, A married couple and I really need to find that book or picture. With sincere Regards, Dana M.Howie
— posted by Dana Howie at 11.11.2004 16:23 AEST | 
Originality/Concept: 8
Grammar/Style: 8
Overall Rating: 8
Another very nice story. The perfect length, although it sounds more like a prologue to a novel than a short story. I would like to see the children's origins and all that actually explained, but whatever. Kudos for a job that was remarkably well done — via Wrasp.Net — posted by Sean Chase at 14.01.2005 14:33 AEST |
Grammar/Style: 8
Overall Rating: 8
Another very nice story. The perfect length, although it sounds more like a prologue to a novel than a short story. I would like to see the children's origins and all that actually explained, but whatever. Kudos for a job that was remarkably well done — via Wrasp.Net — posted by Sean Chase at 14.01.2005 14:33 AEST |
Originality/Concept: 9
Grammar/Style: 9
Overall Rating: 8
Now this I definitely liked! Cannibalistic children! ::high five:: Not much to say here, I didn't notice many errors but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Mythical short stories are something we need more of these days — via Wrasp.Net — posted by Michæl Carey at 14.01.2005 14:45 AEST |
Grammar/Style: 9
Overall Rating: 8
Now this I definitely liked! Cannibalistic children! ::high five:: Not much to say here, I didn't notice many errors but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Mythical short stories are something we need more of these days — via Wrasp.Net — posted by Michæl Carey at 14.01.2005 14:45 AEST |
Originality/Concept: 8
Grammar/Style: 7
Overall Rating: 7
Interesing story, but your style is a bit odd. Some of your sentences drag on and on, but not incredibly long. However the concept is interesting and the great originality is still present.
Another small thing I have to nitpick on is the length of your story. Try to get them longer! :) Although they are nice as tiny little ficlets of flash fiction, I really think all of your stories have the potential to be much much longer — via Wrasp.net — posted by Infamous Writer at 17.01.2005 10:34 AEST |
Grammar/Style: 7
Overall Rating: 7
Interesing story, but your style is a bit odd. Some of your sentences drag on and on, but not incredibly long. However the concept is interesting and the great originality is still present.
Another small thing I have to nitpick on is the length of your story. Try to get them longer! :) Although they are nice as tiny little ficlets of flash fiction, I really think all of your stories have the potential to be much much longer — via Wrasp.net — posted by Infamous Writer at 17.01.2005 10:34 AEST |
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