Fiction of the Wolf: Spam Solution

Themes

Spam Solution

by Red Wolf

She paused, looking back with longing clearly written on her face. She knew her plan could never be put into place, but it was nice to dream.

As her computer powered down, she pondered her strategy for dealing with the mountain of spam that was threatening to overwhelm her inbox. Sex, drugs, weight loss, weight gain, Nigerian scams and polite notices encouraging her to login into an account in a bank whose custom she'd never sought.

Her plan was simple, if impossible to implement. She wanted to allow the recipients of spam to take matters into their own hands and permanently remove the scourge of spammers. Giving them the satisfaction of gaining instant retribution against the uninvited intrusion of neverending dodgy scams.

What she proposed was for a button to be automatically added to every message. The button would be nicely labelled; If you believe this message is spam, would you like the spammer's head to explode? She had pondered this for a while, wondering if perhaps implosion wouldn't be the better option, as exploding heads would be terribly messy in public situations.

The head exploding wouldn't happen immediately. She figured that it would need to be on a per pissed-off customer basis, to prevent frenzied button pressing by the annoyed. The number of individual button pushes would only reach critical mass after a pre-determined number of hits were accumulated. This feature was mostly to prevent the stupid friends and relatives who insisted on forwarding dumb e-mail chain letters from incurring the wrath of the internet savvy. But if Aunt Mildred decided to forward inane hoaxes onto 100,000 of her dearest friends, she felt that the old dear deserved a good head exploding.

She smiled at the thought of the entertaining news broadcasts that would result from her idea: Florida police are baffled at the sudden spate of spontaneous human head explosions throughout the state. The only thing the deceased have in common is a massive collection of computers and an internet bandwidth greater than that of some small countries.

Admittedly she could have considered simply disabling the offending computers, but it wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining.

30 Minute Muse — challenge #3: first lines

Published Babble Horde — 17.03.2004
Published 30 Minute Muse — 17.03.2004
Published FictionPress — 17.03.2004
Published deviantART — 20.04.2004

Comments

Now *this* is satisfying — via LiveJournal — posted by Willa at 18.03.2004 09:31 AEST |

How can you not be happy with exploding the heads of spammers? I gives me a warm happy feeling — via LiveJournal — posted by Red Wolf at 18.03.2004 09:32 AEST |

So very, very tempting...and Orient Expresslike in the removal of individual guilt.

Sign me up ;-) — via LiveJournal — posted by Jane Davitt at 18.03.2004 09:33 AEST |

For those likely to be affected by guilt, yeah, I guess it does let them off the hook. I hadn't even thought of The Orient Express.

I so need to read Agatha Christie, I adore Miss Marple so it would be nice to actually read the books for a change — via LiveJournal — posted by Red Wolf at 18.03.2004 09:34 AEST |

I'm just reading my Patricia Wentworths again; I think I prefer Miss Silver to Miss Marple, but they're both wonderful characters — via LiveJournal — posted by Jane Davitt at 18.03.2004 09:35 AEST |

I think the character and I have been reading too many Anita Blake novels! Heh! Good story! Thanks — via LiveJournal — posted by April Grey at 18.03.2004 09:36 AEST |

Welcome to the inside of my head. No, really, the character has not been reading Anita Blake, the delicious Warren Ellis is more her style — via LiveJournal — posted by Red Wolf at 18.03.2004 09:37 AEST |

Aahh, if only... — via LiveJournal — posted by welshwitch_star at 18.03.2004 09:38 AEST |

Go on, press the button, you know you want to ::sigh:: I need a spammer head exploding button — via LiveJournal — posted by Red Wolf at 18.03.2004 09:39 AEST |

My imagination is running a wee bit wild here. LOL — via LiveJournal — posted by welshwitch_star at 18.03.2004 09:39 AEST |

lol. that was very entertaining. gj — via LiveJournal — posted by greenstuff at 18.03.2004 09:40 AEST |

Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed it — via LiveJournal — posted by Red Wolf at 18.03.2004 09:41 AEST |

This is all fine until the cops start up their Undercover Spam Task Force, infiltrate known spam organizations and then send spam as part of their operations.

I doubt they would appreciate the sentiment. — posted by Raymond at 19.03.2004 07:40 AEST |

Well then, perhaps they shouldn't piss off millions of people. You send spam, you are in dire need of a good head exploding — posted by Red Wolf at 19.03.2004 07:53 AEST |

LOL. Very funny and quite imaginative! Doesn't everybody have the urge to get violent once in a while and such thoughts can act as pacifiers, calming one down and bringing forth a smile
even in the worst of situations! — via LiveJournal — posted by s0nia at 23.03.2004 08:42 AEST |

Glad you enjoyed it — via LiveJournal — posted by Red Wolf at 23.03.2004 09:16 AEST |

"Spam, Spam, Gotta have Spam" ( squirly & stubby , BioDome ) — via deviartART — posted by Quinn at 21.04.2004 12:28 AEST |

Well, until I get my spammer head exploding button, you can have my spam — via deviartART — posted by Red Wolf at 21.04.2004 14:44 AEST |

u better! — via deviantART — posted by Quinn at 22.04.2004 15:48 AEST |

Speaking as one who suffers the spam-plague, I have to say that, though drastic... it might just do the trick.

Lol, good job, as always — via FictionPress — posted by IrishVampire13 at 23.07.2004 14:52 AEST |

Russia's Biggest Spammer Brutally Murdered in Apartment: Vardan Kushnir, notorious for sending spam to each and every citizen of Russia who appeared to have an e-mail, was found dead in his Moscow apartment on Sunday. He died after suffering repeated blows to the head. As the lovely... — Column of the Wolf at 28.07.2005 15:19 AEST |

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