by Red WolfMaria paced around her tiny apartment for the thousandth time. She'd called the police, she'd canvassed the neighbourhood, she'd spoken to everyone she knew and a lot of people she didn't. Everyone in the area was keeping an eye out for Roberto and all she could do now was wait and hope for a phone call.
Like every other day, her son had gone to the corner store for milk. He wasn't completely blind, he could see shapes and shadows, enough to get to and from the shop with ease.
It made him feel important to be helping his mother. Maria knew that Indira, who ran the store, had a soft spot for her son and she guessed the regular treat of sweets played a big part in his eagerness to take on that particular chore.
Nothing out of the ordinary had been reported since Roberto went missing. No strangers were seen. No reports of other missing children had been made. The only thing anybody could remember seeing was the religious group in the beaten up old Volkswagon who had passed through a few days ago.
She and Roberto had stopped and listened for a while, but she found them a little on the excitable side for her tastes. Her son had been given a handful of small bible comics by one of their members, a girl not much older than him.
The sound of running feet made her catch her breath. Every time the children on her floor came home these last few days, she expected her son to burst through the door. It was the same this time, the footfalls continued along the hall.
Maria collapsed into chair and sobbed into her hands.
"Mummy?"
A gentle hand on her head drew her from her grief. As she looked up, Roberto flung himself into her arms.
"Where were you, baby? What happened?" She held his face in her hands. Staring back at her was not the clouded brown eyes of her son, but a pair of bright clear eyes, one blue and one green.
Roberto giggled at her shocked expression. "The preachy people said you were pretty, they didn't tell me you looked like the angels in their comics."
Maria reached for the crumbled book on the table. "...the way to redemption is to give of thyself unto others..." It seemed they took it literally.
15 Minute Ficlets — word #62: redeem
Published Babble Horde — 10.07.2004
Published FictionPress — 12.07.2004
Published Wrasp.Net — 01.01.2005
fiction | horror | original fiction
Wow! This is excellent! You just blew me away with this. Truly. Wow! — via LiveJournal
— posted by Murielle at 13.07.2004 15:55 AEST | 
Was quite pleased with this. It comes to you courtesy of two recent news articles; one on an eye transplant and the other on a loony fundie cult who have a thing for donating their own kidneys and are in trouble for lying to become donors — via LiveJournal
— posted by Red Wolf at 13.07.2004 15:57 AEST |
Which goes to prove that "truth is stranger than fiction".
But, honestly, I think it was down to your writing. Excellent piece — via LiveJournal — posted by Murielle at 13.07.2004 15:57 AEST |
But, honestly, I think it was down to your writing. Excellent piece — via LiveJournal — posted by Murielle at 13.07.2004 15:57 AEST |
Hmmm. Loverly, if a bit dark in a way — via LiveJournal
— posted by tsita at 13.07.2004 15:59 AEST |
Had the urge for dark again. This one took a while to percolate through and was nowhere near the original plans I had for the challenge. Still, half the fun — via LiveJournal
— posted by Red Wolf at 13.07.2004 16:02 AEST |
Well, it's fun when one can beat sense into the muse to cooperate, right? Or one's computer — via LiveJournal
— posted by tsita at 13.07.2004 16:03 AEST |
*speechless* I loved the ending; the twist was so unexpected. I also like the way you capture the mother's grief; I could feel her pain — via LiveJournal
— posted by Chessie at 13.07.2004 16:10 AEST |
Glad that you enjoyed it and also that you didn't see the end coming. That's always fun as a writer — via LiveJournal
— posted by Red Wolf at 13.07.2004 16:11 AEST |
Mm. Excellent, well-developed, and lovely. (It's interesting to hear this was inspired by the news) — via LiveJournal
— posted by Luci at 13.07.2004 16:30 AEST |
Thank you. Being a newshead does have its advantages. Don't know whether potential plot lines wins out over astounding time sink — via LiveJournal
— posted by Red Wolf at 13.07.2004 16:31 AEST |
A little creepy, but also quite touching; I almost cried when I realized just what the eyes meant. Very, very good — via FictionPress
— posted by IrishVampire13 at 23.07.2004 14:48 AEST |
Originality/Concept: 9
Grammar/Style: 9
Overall Rating: 8
That was... bizarre, yet very good. Your writing style is almost impeccable, and although short this story kept me reading. One tiny little thing I might nitpick on is your pacing is somewhat too fast, I don't know... I'm not the best critic. Overall a fantastic job! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work — via Wrasp.net — posted by Infamous Writer at 17.01.2005 10:08 AEST |
Grammar/Style: 9
Overall Rating: 8
That was... bizarre, yet very good. Your writing style is almost impeccable, and although short this story kept me reading. One tiny little thing I might nitpick on is your pacing is somewhat too fast, I don't know... I'm not the best critic. Overall a fantastic job! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work — via Wrasp.net — posted by Infamous Writer at 17.01.2005 10:08 AEST |
Post a Comment