by Red WolfSusan sat back in her chair with a satisfied smile. All of her gifts were wrapped, packaged and ready for shipping in the morning.
She'd put months of work into creating her gifts, lovingly handcrafting dolls in the image of the recipient. She had selected action figures and dolls that came close in resemblance and set to work modifying them. Dyeing their hair, changing their eyes, making sure the clothing and accessories were just right.
It had taken ages to get the arms on Charlie's doll perfect and the knots for Nancy's neck piece were a worry until she'd borrowed a book on basic seamanship from the library. Richard's boots required some creative thinking. But the jewellery she added to Clara's doll was her favourite finishing touch.
Scooping the packages up, Susan put them in a box by the door and turned back to the table to clean up. She rewound the wire, put away the glue, scissors and knives, gathered up the scraps of fabric and carefully swept the remains of razor wire into the bin.
When her gifts were opened, she had to wonder if they would be appreciated in the way she had intended, as a promise still to be kept.
15 Minute Ficlets — challenge #86: giving
Published Babble Horde — 28.12.2004
Published FictionPress — 31.12.2004
Published Wrasp.Net — 01.01.2005
fiction | horror | original fiction
I had the urge for creepy — via LiveJournal
— posted by Red Wolf at 14.01.2005 13:30 AEST | 
This chickie has more problems than my characters do... — via LiveJournal
— posted by tsita at 14.01.2005 13:31 AEST |
Yes, but she's working them out. Well, actually she's killing them off — via LiveJournal
— posted by Red Wolf at 14.01.2005 13:33 AEST |
Razor wire? Promises? Oh dear...
I like how subtly the creepiness is introduced — via LiveJournal — posted by Elizabeth Culmer at 14.01.2005 13:34 AEST |
I like how subtly the creepiness is introduced — via LiveJournal — posted by Elizabeth Culmer at 14.01.2005 13:34 AEST |
Thanks. I was aiming for subtle creepiness rather than something more overt — via LiveJournal
— posted by Red Wolf at 14.01.2005 13:35 AEST |
You probably don't want to be receiving a gift from Susan then — via LiveJournal
— posted by Red Wolf at 14.01.2005 13:36 AEST |
::reads your reply to Murielle's comment:: Uh... I think I'll pass — via LiveJournal
— posted by IrishVampire13 at 14.01.2005 13:36 AEST |
Susan's dolls are very interesting. Do they involve a little of some other craft? What is the implied promise?
Don't you just love it when a fic creates as many questions as it does answers?
::cheering you:: — via LiveJournal — posted by Murielle at 14.01.2005 13:37 AEST |
Don't you just love it when a fic creates as many questions as it does answers?
::cheering you:: — via LiveJournal — posted by Murielle at 14.01.2005 13:37 AEST |
Susan's dolls look exactly like the intended recipient with little extras like missing limbs, nooses and disembowellings, that would be the promises she has yet to keep — via LiveJournal
— posted by Red Wolf at 14.01.2005 13:38 AEST |
That was short, but wonderful. Susan is just so... methodical about creating her gifts. I can't help but wonder what she's up to — via LiveJournal
— posted by Chessie at 14.01.2005 13:39 AEST |
She's sending dolls mutilated in the same manner she intends of using to dispatch the recipient — via LiveJournal
— posted by Red Wolf at 14.01.2005 13:39 AEST |
Originality/Concept: 7
Grammar/Style: 7
Overall Rating: 6
why is this horror? i don't see horror. it's very short and not exactly what i was expecting. to make it horror you could make the dolls demonic or something. yeah... whatever. the writing wasn't bad but, sorry to be blunt, i didn't like it. you also could make it longer. um, i don't know what else to say — via Wrasp.net — posted by Calico (Cal) at 17.01.2005 11:13 AEST |
Grammar/Style: 7
Overall Rating: 6
why is this horror? i don't see horror. it's very short and not exactly what i was expecting. to make it horror you could make the dolls demonic or something. yeah... whatever. the writing wasn't bad but, sorry to be blunt, i didn't like it. you also could make it longer. um, i don't know what else to say — via Wrasp.net — posted by Calico (Cal) at 17.01.2005 11:13 AEST |
Originality/Concept: 8
Grammar/Style: 9
Overall Rating: 8
Originality: Interesting ficlet. It was original.
Grammar/Style: Your grammar was flawless. I enjoyed reading easily through it. This could have turned into a nice demonic horror story if you have continued with it. Susan could of done many demonic things with those dolls.
Overall: This could have been continued into something evil, but I understand it was a ficlet, so its okay — via Wrasp.net — posted by Will at 17.01.2005 11:15 AEST |
Grammar/Style: 9
Overall Rating: 8
Originality: Interesting ficlet. It was original.
Grammar/Style: Your grammar was flawless. I enjoyed reading easily through it. This could have turned into a nice demonic horror story if you have continued with it. Susan could of done many demonic things with those dolls.
Overall: This could have been continued into something evil, but I understand it was a ficlet, so its okay — via Wrasp.net — posted by Will at 17.01.2005 11:15 AEST |
Originality/Concept: 8
Grammar/Style: 8
Overall Rating: 8
Hmm... not much happened in this story. Nope, not much at all. Which means it will be difficult for me, as a reader, to give it a helpful review. I do believe it was too short, but it was a 15 minute ficlet so whatever. Nice descriptions and all. I guess that's all I got to say. I just wanted to review and say good job on a short, short, short story — via Wrasp.net — posted by Sean Chase at 17.01.2005 11:17 AEST |
Grammar/Style: 8
Overall Rating: 8
Hmm... not much happened in this story. Nope, not much at all. Which means it will be difficult for me, as a reader, to give it a helpful review. I do believe it was too short, but it was a 15 minute ficlet so whatever. Nice descriptions and all. I guess that's all I got to say. I just wanted to review and say good job on a short, short, short story — via Wrasp.net — posted by Sean Chase at 17.01.2005 11:17 AEST |
Originality/Concept: 10
Grammar/Style: 9
Overall Rating: 7
I can imagine this work taking several directions. But now that I've read your explanation of this work in the forum I can see exactly where you wanted to go with it and it sounds great. Therefore Originality gets a 10.
The lady is a psycho. I understand that now. But it wasn't aparent to me within the work itself.
Good Job, Keep Writing
LogicaLunatic — via Wrasp.net — posted by Shawn Aune at 17.01.2005 11:27 AEST |
Grammar/Style: 9
Overall Rating: 7
I can imagine this work taking several directions. But now that I've read your explanation of this work in the forum I can see exactly where you wanted to go with it and it sounds great. Therefore Originality gets a 10.
The lady is a psycho. I understand that now. But it wasn't aparent to me within the work itself.
Good Job, Keep Writing
LogicaLunatic — via Wrasp.net — posted by Shawn Aune at 17.01.2005 11:27 AEST |
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